Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize