I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
