Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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