i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
