who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
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We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
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I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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