To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
