When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
