It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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