I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
