yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
