I want to have your abortion
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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