Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize