why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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