After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
