The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
