Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
