Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
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