dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
