she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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