Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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