i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
