I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
