no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
