I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
