he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
