Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
