Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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