I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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