And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
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I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
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I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize