Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
