I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We're too hungover to prance.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
