So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I woke up under a house in Key West
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
