apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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