She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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