well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hello my rib-scented angel!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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