I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
