dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
