Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
