Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
false alarm. still invincible.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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