Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Bring me that man meat
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
