end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
