Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
