everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Need sex. Gaining weight.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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