Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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