the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
