He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
