This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
