Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
