if you like me you must not know who I am
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
