he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
