Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
