ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
