I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
