I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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