turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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