you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
