I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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