I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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