one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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