broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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