he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
