Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
