You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
