They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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