Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
