Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
