i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
