Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
