they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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