your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
