oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My balls are so social today.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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